Babies who are adopted have been through quite an ordeal. The sense of well-being and trust that a baby is born with can be severely damaged when she is relinquished or abandoned - even if this event occurs immediately after birth. Research clearly indicates that newborns instinctively know their birthmothers and crave closeness with her. When a baby is abruptly separated from her birthmother, after nine months in the womb of this woman, the loss is often felt well into adult years.
The ability to form healthy attachments depends upon something called the cycle of need or the attachment cycle. Essentially, the cycle works as follows: Baby feels a need (hunger, wetness, gas, etc.); Baby expresses this need; Caregivers respond to the need. Child calms with parent help.
Over time and through thousands of repetitions of this cycle, the baby learns that crying is worthwhile: someone cares! He learns that he matters in the world, that the world is basically a good place, that someone will meet his needs, and that he can trust (and eventually love) his caregivers.
When institutional care follows abandonment/relinquishment, babies many not experience the cycle of trust that every child needs for healthy emotional development. In many orphanages there are far more children than caregivers can possibly handle and caregivers are often untrained din promoting attachment. Responding to every cry from every child is simply not realistic option. The result? Many children who have spent much of their infancy in orphanages have learned that crying is not worthwhile, that no-one answers, and that the world is unfriendly and unsafe.
It is also important to understand that adoption itself, while such a happy event for us as parents, can be a terrifying, inexplicable event for a baby or toddler. Orphanage care may be abysmal, but it is what your child has become accustomed. The transition into a new home - especially if the adoption is international, transcultural, and/or transracial - can be yet a third disruption.
When our children come home, and they begin to allow us to move through the cycles of attachment that were broken by relinquishment and the adoption process, it is a miracle of sorts. Children who have been through a number of disruptions need us to complete the cycle of trust each and every time they express a need. And nighttime is perhaps the most vulnerable times for children who have been adopted from institutions. Karleen Gribble states in The post-institutionalized child, published in The Benevolent Society, February 2004, "Children may be able to consciously control their reaction to the stress of the new environment during their waking hours, but in a more relaxed state during sleep their anxiety and or anger is exposed. Night is also a time when grief can more easily surface and the losses that a child has experienced are revealed."
If you child has lived in an orphanage and/or has a diagnosis of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), you have even more reason to resist the 'easy way' to sleep train your child. Karleen Gribble adds "Since sleep difficulties are a symptom of a deeper problem, sleep training techniques such as controlled crying/comforting are not suitable for children who have lived in an orphanage. Such techniques can cause further damage to an already hurt child as they learn that they cannot trust their parents to respond to their cries."
The book then goes on to talk about "The Basics: Getting Ready for a Good Night's Sleep" which is about helping your child sleep. It talks about setting the stage... colors, lighting, sounds, safety, food, exercise, naps, emotional maturity, routines, the bed itself, and so on.
No comments:
Post a Comment