But then I learned about the Waiting Children List in China. Those children unwanted because they are not perfectly healthy have no waiting list. I began again to hope that maybe China was still an option.
God, this business trip for Phil is of your design. Clearly you have opened our eyes and hearts to China for such a time as this. Today, Phil booked his tickets for the trip. I've been praying, hoping, that this trip would just be another way that you'd create a love inside of him for growing our family.
Tonight, Annalisa and I were chatting - talking about if there might be orphanages near where Phil would be traveling. And Phil said maybe he could go to one with his coworkers in China as an "Humanitarian Effort". I pulled up a link that Annalisa had sent me of a place she thought may be near Phil. We started looking through the site to see if it said where the orphanage was exactly and came across the Waiting Children List.
I tried to continue to remain silent. I do not want to push Phil. But as I remained quiet, Your Still Small Voice was audible. To both of us.
Two little girls, 16 month old twins, caught Phil's eye. I held my breathe. Thinking he was just being sweet, I just sat back and enjoyed watching him look at those two girls. There were three videos to watch of them. We watched the videos. I didn't want to ruin the moment or push Phil so I took a bathroom break. I wanted to pray to you. I could see and feel the change in Phil's heart. Lord, you DO immeasurably more than I could ever ask. Not only is he open to adoption, but twins!
Phil prayed. He prayed the prayer of a daddy. He prayed for C. and Z. to be safe and be treated well and well taken care of and that they would come to know you and love you and that they would be able to find a family and if there was some way that we could be involved that you would allow for that.
And then I prayed and cried. It felt good to pray about this together as husband and wife. It felt so good to unashamedly look at the pictures of the children with my husband. To feel that with God, anything is possible.... to risk disappointment and fully and whole-heartedly hope that You truly can move mountains.
Father in Heaven, if it is your will that these girls come to be in our family, please move Heaven and Earth to bring them to us. I can't even describe what it feels like to look at them. Please protect little Z.'s brain. You are a God of healing and only you can make her whole and healthy.
I have joy tonight - joy in the process - joy with my husband - joy that these two little girls were created by You. Like I told you earlier, these girls are precious to You and You have them where they are for a reason.
And Sweet Jesus, I cannot even begin to understand how Z.'s name can be Z.. Lord, can it truly be that she is meant to be ours? Truly? I want to hope with every fiber of my being that our Z. is that one. The one with the twin sister C.. At the same time, I also want to show you the respect and awe and trust that I have that You may have a different child for us. I want Your will. I very much want what You want - I can't even begin to imagine what's best according to Your plan. And I trust You to work it out.
Twins, Father! Twins! I've talked to you many times about how much easier I think it would be to adopt two children from China at the same time. I've been so concerned about taking one child away from the only place, the people, the culture, the language that he or she has ever known - what a trauma that would be. But I didn't see how it would be possible to get two children at the same time from China. But here it is - my heart's desire. Twins! Can it really be? We could bring them both home and it would soften the homesickness, the fear that they might experience. It could minimize the trauma to them. We would so want to care for their hearts and the hearts of our other children.
Oh God in Heaven, please watch over the girls tonight - their day. If this is not your will for us to be a family together, I trust you and I thank you for the joy and miracle this evening has been. I have enjoyed watching the pictures on the Waiting Children List - Ran, Sheng... both boys who have brought me a lot of smiles. Please watch over them tonight as well.
I trust You, Father. This is all a tapestry - and You are the Artist. And if these threads are all intertwined because C. and Z. will be in our family soon, I will continue to stand in awe of You and pray that I can share this amazing story with others to even bring you a fraction of the Glory that You deserve.
I love You.
In Christ's most precious Name,
Amen.
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