Dear Lord,
My heart is nearly pounding out of my chest. I need to type my prayer to you just to be able to stay focused and stop only saying, Lord, Lord, Lord. You know I've been looking at countries to see what we are eligible for - and it seems like the doors were closed for the most part. Finally just now, I typed in International Adoption Agencies in [our state]. One of the agencies I was reading about had Haiti. It's not uncommon to see that country on adoption sites. But for some reason I clicked on it. Oh my, Lord, my heart.
There are four babies waiting - with pictures - that the agency listed. Is one of them mine? I feel like bursting - I want to show Phil right away the picture I see... the eyes I see looking back at me... but God, is it the right time? He's already said he's not ready. You wouldn't have already opened his heart, would you? And Haiti? I want to say - that is impossible! Haiti is the last place on earth I'd want to adopt from. But if that baby looking at me is mine, please MOVE HEAVEN AND EARTH for me. Please, dear Jesus.
My body - my arms - ACHE, PHYSICALLY ACHE, to go hold that little one! Lord, hear my heart!
If this is not your will, if this is just my will - my wanting a new excitement - not being content with what you've given me, please clear my thoughts and settle my heart. I need your Help, Dear Father. I don't know what to do. I don't want to talk to anyone but you - there seems to be a sacredness about this - and the only person I want to show this picture to is Phil. But I'm so uncertain. Please lead me. Please lead us. Please grow our family in your timing.
Help me to be patient. Jesus, I love you above all else. Help me please.
Amen.
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