I somehow keep tricking myself into thinking it'll get easier if we just get to the next part. Once we're done with the home study, then we'll be able to relax... once our dossier has been sent to China, we can relax... once we have our Letter of Approval, we can sit and wait... But every milestone and the excitement and contentment lasts for such a short while and then I'm back to the same old, same old... let's HURRY UP!
It's hard to believe it hasn't even been SEVEN months and we are this close! I thought getting the LOA would let me finally be able to relax... but now I feel like I have even more to do than before. On top of jumping through hoops (evidently there are special times to call certain places and then continue to call every 15 minutes until you get your particular document emailed?!?!), I am feeling rather frantic about figuring out all of life, parenting, homeschooling, etc. before Sammy comes home... WHILE AT THE SAME TIME FEELING LIKE WE AREN'T GOING FAST ENOUGH! It is the strangest feeling I've ever had... there is not enough time to let me get to him fast enough! You probably had to read that a few times... try living it moment after moment after moment after moment..........
Part of the problem is the thyroid levels in my body are as far off as they have ever been since tracking them these last 9 years! That means that I can't think clear thoughts, retain much information, or feel any energy to accomplish anything... Have you ever been too tired to even sleep? That's what it's like to have hypothyroidism.
This is a complainy post, but in reality, I'm just trying to write it out to try and get it out of my head so I can TRY TO LIVE LIFE NOW - in the moment - and stop trying to live in this paradox of we aren't going fast enough but I need more hours in the day to get everything done while being an energetic, wise, and loving mother!
Oh the insanity!
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