I think people are going to get sick of hearing this before I can stop talking about it! My heart just swells with love for Jemma. We took her on a walk as a family tonight. She went in the baby swing at the park for a minute or so. Our neighbors stopped to say hello which was so fun! We came back to the house and did showers and story time and time to pray. And when it was all done, Jemma got her jammies on with Daddy and had a bottle and went fast to sleep. Home for 24 hours and every hour that goes by, I am more and more in awe at what God has done. I asked people to pray for the attachment and bonding because it was what I was most fearful of knowing what it was like the first time. I dreaded the pain that would come as a mother waiting and wondering with each breath I took if in the next I'd feel that final depth of love I longed for with my child. I asked my friends to pray that I would have courage. They let me cry about how afraid I was to know what I was facing in another adoption and how my mother's heart would have to endure.
I realize it has been a very short amount of time and that there will still be bumps in the road. But in my heart of hearts, Jemma is my daughter, and even though love is a choice and love is a sacrifice, and love is an action, it feels SO good to FEEL it.
I think that there is a tendency to keep stuff like this quiet... so as not to look foolish for jumping the gun. But our agency taught us to rejoice over the moments as they come. I choose joy in the journey and praise the Lord for the gifts from Him and ask Him to help me trust Him when disaster strikes. So with this life philosophy, it isn't jumping the gun to be happy in the moment even if I may feel sadness in the next. It's a huge burden off my shoulders giving up my pride of worrying if I'll look bad or have to eat my words if I'm wrong. It is a much more peace-filled life to appreciate what God is doing presently knowing that He knows the next "present" and the next and all the way through eternity He knows the plans. I don't have to hold my breath waiting for the joy to subside, the honeymoon to be over. I can just enjoy it for what God has made this to be and oh I could sing from the rooftops at what He's done. (or airports as the case was... Jemma and I sang a LOT of I've got joy like a fountain, I've got peace like a river, and I've got love like an ocean through the airports)
God, I stand in awe. I am in awe of what you have done so completely through Jemma's adoption. I'm in awe that You have adopted me into your family, forever, never to be separated from Your love. When we became Jemma's parents, our names our written down, our thumbprints stamped in red over our signatures vowing we will never abandon her. When we became her parents, her citizenship became the same as ours as soon as we stepped foot on US soil. When You became my Father in Heaven because of Your Son's death on the cross in my place and His victory over death by raising from the grave, His name was signed in red vowing never to abandon me. His name was placed over mine and He took all responsibility for me and all I've done and will ever do. When You became my Father, my citizenship became the same as yours and I became and heir. The parallels continue and I'm humbled. God, be glorified! Jemma Josephine - because of the God of immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine.
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