We left our hotel and drove to the Civil Affairs office in Xi'an. I have no idea what time we got there or whether we were on time or not. Seriously, there are no clocks anywhere. I should really carry a phone or wear a watch. But ultimately, it didn't matter if we were late. It was a HOPPIN' place! There were so many families and children, nannies, guides... My eyes were scanning fast. Oh wait... let me back up.
We pulled up to the building that Phil and I recognized. I had been watching out the window as we were driving and realized I knew where we were. I felt like we were really close. I asked the guide if we were there and she said, yes, the building is right there, we just have to cross the street. We did the most bizarre round-about known to man... I think it was actually a curly-q or something. Anyway, we pulled up to the building we had memorized in our mind's eye. Red carpet, gold signs, big brass/glass entrance.
We walked in and Phil exclaimed that we were here a second time with Sammy and told me to hold him so he could take my picture with him in the same place we were in once before. How special. Then we got in the elevator - same elevator as we used with Sammy. Phil squatted down and said, I can finally kiss you on this ride this time. (Last time, we had met Sammy in the lobby instead of the civil affairs office and road the elevator up with him... it was odd to meet him but not be allowed to officially meet him - LOL.)
We road the lift for 20 floors and got out. It was abuzz! In fact, on the drive there, our driver rolled down his window while we were driving and talked to the van next to us to find out that they were going to the same place and were another adoptive family. HA!
Not only were we a family of 7, but we were all wearing matching shirts. You can't get more obnoxious than that! We turned to go towards the civil affairs main office, but it was filled with families. Our guide went in and I was leaning my head back and forth to try and catch a glimpse of where Ian was. I knew he was there already.
As Celine was checking to see where we were supposed to go, I turned to take a picture of the family and in the background, I saw a kid. He was tall and in the hallway running back and forth from the window at the end to the elevator lobby looking over a shoulder to see all that was going on. I thought that he looked like Ian, but I couldn't see his face because of the dim lighting and the bright window behind him. I got a little closer and Celine walked out of the office and said, okay, this way please. She tried a room right across the hall that was locked and then realized it was the hall on the other side of the elevator lobby - just where that boy had been. As we started that way, I knew it was him. I said, I see him! There he is!!! And then I called out, Ian! Ian! and started waving... the kind of wave that Moms and Grandmas sometimes do when your child is on stage at a performance and you want them to see you and know where you're sitting. Ya, I did that. Oh dear. I forced myself to stop. And waited till we got a BIT closer and then couldn't stop myself. I called out to him again and waved and threw out my arms to say HI! As soon as he saw me there, his eyes filled with tears. I don't know if it was relief, or the significance of the moment, or just a nervous emotional energy coming out in the form of tears, but I don't get the impression that it was negative. I hugged him.
The kids were just all so excited, a teeny bit bashful but excited and just kind of waiting for the green light to hug him. I can't exactly remember what order of hugs happened. I think Titus was the first along with Sammy followed by Phoebe and Lily. After hugs and just kind of an overall joyous and exciting first few minutes, Mr. Bai came out and Celine introduced us to the director. I held out my hand to shake his. His smile was so warm and kind and I was so glad to finally shake his hand. Phil shook his hand. There's something about watching men shake hands - like old friends. I've watched this over and over and it just never gets old to me. I love seeing men greet each other with a mutual respect in a good handshake.
Anyway, we went into the room that Mr. Bai had just come from and spent some more time with Ian while Mr. Bai was doing some paperwork at the desk. Ian squatted down at that point to try and engage Jemma. He reached out to take her arms or hands or maybe pick her up and she launched herself in a different direction and had no interest in being held by him. He chuckled and stood up and flicked Titus in the head. Titus and the other kids were so surprised by Ian's silliness and unconventional display of affection that they all burst into laughter. He had walked around earlier in the hallway and had flicked all of them in the head then too and they had responded the same way, totally surprised and laughing. Now as he did it again, they all seemed to get that, although odd, Ian was trying to connect with them.
Phoebe took Ian his shoulder bag, and I took Mr. Bai his gift - a starbucks Wisconsin mug, Barres Brothers Coffee, and a little Star Wars light up watch for his son. Ian and the kids continued to mess around while I signed paperwork - taking legal guardianship over Ian for the 24 hour harmonious period, vowing to never leave or abandon Ian, to give him a good education and medical care, and to explain that we want to adopt Ian to give him a loving home. In triplicate. I wrote Ian's new name on one of the forms. Ian Chenguang Blechacz
Ian started to look through his shoulder bag (which had star wars stickers in it, that Jemma immediately grabbed, crawled away and laid belly down on the floor to start taking apart Ian's stickers - Phil took them and gave them back to Ian). He liked the light up watch that we got him and checked the time. It was an hour off because I had set it for Beijing... oops.
So, Ian continued walking around randomly flicking his siblings foreheads. Mr. Bai came over to say good-bye to Ian and tell him that he'd see him in the morning. He was SO sweet with Ian. Seemed to give him a pep talk of sorts. His eyes have smile creases and his voice was so cheerful and kind.
Our family passed through the crowd of adoptive families and their new children to the elevators and headed out to the car. Celine had asked if we had questions for Mr. Bai, but for that first day, we decided not to ask questions. We'll ask questions in a few days when we have more "unanswered" questions - ha! The questions we've asked on this day in the past have been kind of canned and the answers not really impacting in any way so we decided to skip it.
We headed out to the car. Jemma saw a fuzz blowing across the floor in the lobby and decided she needed to kill it before we left so she detoured around the lobby with me while the others walked out to the van. I was able to get a picture of Ian coming away with our family though so that was a blessing. Phil sat next to Ian in the first row and I sat in the back with Jemma and Lily. Lily and I felt quiet... just kind of absorbing the day and the enormity of it all.
We got back to the hotel to drop off our stuff and show Ian his room before going to dinner. When we were walking into the apartment, Ian bumped Titus' arm and knelt down in Titus' face and said clear as day, "are you okay? are you okay?" He was so compassionate!
He kind of rushed around trying to see everything he could as fast as possible. We then guided him to his room and he set down his backpack and sifted through the gifts on his bed. He liked the ping-pong paddles with the sports theme ping-pong balls. After a few more minutes, we said it was time to go back down for dinner because Celine was waiting to take us to the dumpling place to help us order.
As we were getting ready to walk out the door, all the kids were kind of huddled together to leave and Jemma pinched Sammy's arm (because sometimes she feels the need to be mean for no good reason) and he started to bawl his eyes out. Phil responded to Jemma while I was responding to Sammy. I asked him where he got hurt and he said his arm. So I kissed it and said all better. Ian was standing right at my shoulder this whole time. I think this is possibly the reason (POSSIBLY - but who knows) for a later event.
We walked just a few short blocks to the restaurant and then walked to the very back to a perfect table for our family that was open. We just needed a baby chair for Jemma. Ian passed out dishes for everyone while I worked on ordering. I didn't know what would be best for Ian. I had envisioned noodles for our first night because that is what people eat on their birthdays, but Celine said it would not hold significance for this day. Anyway, we got green beans with mushy eggplant, potato noodles, kung pao chicken, fried pork and onion dumplings, white rice, and vegetables (carrots, broccoli, etc.). We also got a bottle of sprite.
I AM AMAZED AT HOW WELL THE KIDS ALL EAT WITH CHOPSTICKS! There were not other eating utensils at this restaurant and that was not even the least bit of an issue for any of the kids. I was also surprised that we ordered enough food for our family - I thought for sure we'd misjudge how much Ian would eat and how that would impact our ordering but we actually did great. Unfortunately, after we ordered, Ian opened the menu and told Celine he likes spicy beef. She told him we already ordered enough food and so next time we'd get that. Oops. Ian said all of his siblings names unprompted during the meal. At one point, Ian got up and looked under the table and then walked over by Phil looking for something. We weren't sure what, but then he sat back down. A couple minutes later, he walked around the table again and this time came to me and made a washing face motion. So I gave him a baby wipe - exactly what he was looking for. NICE!
After Phil paid for the meal, we started to walk back. Ian momentarily wasn't paying attention and didn't realize we were crossing the street and he was still walking forward. I called to him and he started to run and somehow his body or legs didn't coordinate with the other half and he almost wiped out. He got to the other side of the street with us and then doubled over. I thought he was just catching his breath. He stood back up and said ow and pointed to his knee. Phil asked him what happened and I told Phil what happened. We both said, "are you okay" and then kept walking, but Ian was still acting like he needed more attention. I scooted past him and while we were walking, kissed my hand and patted his knee and then said "all better". He smiled and then no more limping. The more I thought about it, the more I wondered if he just wanted the same mom who kissed Sammy's pinch earlier to kiss his knee. I won't know because I can't ask because we don't speak the same language. But it was odd to me that a mom's kiss would make it all better at age 13. Maybe we need to make up for lost time. It was a moment. I hope I don't ever forget.
We got back to the apartment and that was when it got crazy. Ian didn't do anything for more than 10 seconds. He explored Everything. Opened everything. I thought maybe we could all sit down and teach him UNO, but literally, he sat long enough to get two cards in his hand and got up to go look around more. I don't blame him. I cannot even imagine. At one point, Phil and I both happened to be in the same vicinity of each other and Ian came into the room and said to Phil, "Daddy, let's go play ping-pong." Phil's heart was mush! Unfortunately, we lost my scissors somewhere and can't get the new paddles open. He asked if he could watch TV, but Phil got out the iPads instead. I pulled out my computer to try and FaceTime with my Mom for Mother's Day, which wasn't working, and Ian saw the little penguin icon on my desktop for QQ. He started banging his chest and pointing at the penguin. I asked him if he had QQ and he was nodding. And then before I knew it, he was signing into his account. Uh....
So, just like that we dove right into the deep end of parenting a teenager and technology. I basically sat right next to him kind of showing him how to use my mac a little so he could scroll. This is not going to be easy. We are going to need a lot of wisdom in knowing how to navigate all of this. Helping him stay in contact with friends, but also not letting him be friends with the whole world and get into dangerous situations... all in a different language... and on a social media site that we aren't familiar with yet. It's a lot. At one point, in the evening, Phil leaned over and asked me if I was doing okay. I said I thought I was probably just tired. But given that it was Mother's Day and all of our lives had just changed so drastically, I honestly just wanted to give my own mom a hug and missed her. Tears filled my eyes and I knew Ian wouldn't be able to understand if we tried to explain so I just discretely went to the bathroom to cry a little bit and take the edge off of the build up of emotions throughout the day.
Eventually, it was time to put kids to bed. It was literally like playing whack-a-mole. We'd put a kid to bed and they'd pop back up. HAHA! Anyway, Ian was SUPER proud of his new toothbrush and toothpaste that he'd brought with him. He held it out for me to take out of the package for him and watched his siblings pour the water from a water bottle onto their tooth brushes and then brush. He did the same, except for the fact that he filled the water bottle up with the sink water to do it. LOL
I saw that Ian was going to go to bed in his clothes so I took out the pajamas from his shelf and gestured that he could wear pajamas. He seemed embarrassed that they were shorts and a shirt. (I have since asked Celine to ask Ian about the pajamas and he said they are fine, but I wonder if the bottoms are too big around the waist.) He made funny noises and slapped his legs and kept giggling in a funny way. He seemed very pleased that the shirt has a basketball on it, because that is his favorite sport. Throughout the evening, he said more things in English. I put the boys to bed in the living room and Ian kept coming in and laying on the floor pointing that he was going to sleep there. We kept putting him back in his bed though because it isn't recommended to put children together before you truly know them. It just isn't safe for anyone. I felt bad because later in the evening when I was thinking more about it, I realized he's probably not had his own room before and might have been lonely. (I have since asked Celine to talk to him about it and he said that he had a hard time sleeping but not because he was scared. Just because of the excitement of the day and a new bed and all the changes.) Phil asked used his phone to figure out how to tell Ian good night and see if he was ready for bed. At that point, Ian covered up and laid down.
After the boys were asleep in the living room, I went into Ian's room and sat on his bed. I put my hand on his face and said that he was precious in Mandarin. I told him that I was glad to be his Mom and thanked him for letting me be his mom. I said that I loved him and he said he loved me too and I told him good-night.
After a little while, Phil said, "Is that Ian snoring?" Sure enough, Ian snores. Must have gotten it from his Nana. ;) Good thing we didn't plan on having anyone sleep in the same room as him. LOL
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